Where does it go?

I struggle to understand the passing of time, how things change. I guess I don’t want anything to change — I wish my hometown would look the same each time I go back to visit, I wish friends stayed the same, I wish my outlook on life stayed the same (or do I?). As a human, I don’t understand change — I don’t understand what love is, or means, what friendship means, what the meaning of life is.

I gather these experiences, and perhaps they are stored in some sort of mental/emotional jar inside of me. Perhaps, my muscle memory is also included in this jar. There is no limit to the size of the jar, I guess. Sometimes it feels like there is, when I can’t concentrate, when my outlook is negative, when I don’t feel close to love ones, family, or friends.

I search for meaning, waiting for something to excite my body, to escalate me to a new high. I look to the clouds, maybe to find God, I look to music, to find peace, or a river to let me flow with gently, and then, I don’t really look at all. And nothing happens. And I’m left empty. I’m left with a feeling of nothing, which actually makes sense. Doing nothing will probably make you feel nothing. I’m not sure. Meditating is not ‘doing nothing.’ It’s doing something to reach a higher consciousness.

I miss my romantic vision of the world. I miss not worrying about time. Maybe the jar fills up by itself, and shouldn’t be something to worry about. Maybe I’m learning and not realizing what I’ve learned.

I wonder when I will wake up.

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Hola World.

My name is Arik, and if you’re reading this, you probably already know that. I am (at the moment) 23 years old, live in Leipzig, Germany,  a musician in a rock and roll band called ELECTRIC TURTLES, and a singer songwriter. I’m learning some things along this road called life, suffering in the mundane act of simply existing, waiting to reach the end of my life. Maybe that sounds a bit too sad for you, and I’m sorry — most people know me as the smiley red haired boy, singing with his acoustic guitar, making people happy. Yes, that is a part of me, but only a part — alone, I bask in the grey clouds that sing a melancholy tune, never satisfied with the present, but always dwelling on the past, and the future to come.

It’s my hope that on my blog, I can share with you all the different shades of Arik, possibly give you insights to my little discoveries, as simple as they may be, and let you into my world. I’m not sure how I will be remembered, I’m not even sure if it’s important to me anymore if I will be remembered, but, I might as well tackle this bull while I can still grow a nice beard, before my time runs out.